Dating is so much more difficult than having a girlfriend. I never know if a woman can read my intentions or not when I ask her out to dinner or lunch. Deciphering her intention is equally difficult. I wonder if I should come out and say how interested I am. I wonder if I’ll want to digest the reply over half eaten sushi or chicken salad.
I always take these conversations with myself back to writing and the necessity of taking risks. Why should I care what reply my words receive; should I care? I do.
Rejection is never fun but neither is self rejection by way of never saying anything at all. It’s like being so afraid of getting rejection letters from grad schools that I refuse to apply. Well I will definitely not get in if I don’t even apply. Maybe I should think about that the next time I look into the eyes of a crush across the table over dinner or maybe a mid-afternoon lunch
Maybe
Honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to this semester’s final reading. I would rather have been at home sleeping or writing essays for the rest of my MFA applications or anywhere breathing in cool air unrestricted by four walls of classroom in barrows hall, a hot classroom might I add, with swivel chairs, yes, swivel chairs.
I figured I would get over the reluctance once set up began and folks started populating the room but the reluctance remained even then.I thought the night would drag on for all eternity with me dreading every second, until a woman with curly hair wearing a black and green plaid jacket walked up and stood uncomfortably close to me, her face almost right against my cheek. I turned and looked and to my astonishment there stood Solmaz, in the flesh. She completely turned my attidute around with her presence and warm, firm hugs.
But the excitement didn’t stop there. One by one STP alums walked into the room and suddenly the event turned into a family reunion for me. It is always a blessing to be in the presence of such amazing poets and people but something about last night was extra special. It is by far my favorite reading, I only wish I had the chance to spend more time with them.
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