Aerosolpoetic

I tried to revise the second draft of my statement of purpose for nyu tonight, but the words just wouldn’t come. Those that did, fell to the page clumsily as unripped fruit from a shaken tree. Reading back the sour sentences to myself I could imagine the thoughts of admission officers reading the same lines with the same dissatifying taste on their tongues.

“There is no poetry here”, I said to myself, as I closed the microsoft word window containing yet another bland, half written draft of my statement of purpose. As a poet how can i write with such a lack of grace and urgency? I teach my students that purpose is the most important piece of a poem and here I am having trouble writing a statement of purpose. 

The difficulty I had writing my law school statements and now statements for mfa programs has resurfaced my fear that I really don’t have anything pressing to say, no words urgent enough to press to a page. Sifting through breakup poems, one after another, trying to put together a portfolio makes me wonder if I have what it takes, whatever that means. Sometimes I tell myself I’m not political enough to be a writer because I write too much about myself, about breakups and heartache, and not as much about war and the government. Other times I realize that my sensitivity as a love poet makes me more aware and empathetic toward the victims of political injustices. 

I don’t know what I’m going to write for my statement and I don’t think this blog post is going anywhere but I promised myself I would write today and that is a promise I intend to keep.