Aerosolpoetic

I Wish

I wish it were something I did
anything
about me
that pushed you to cheat
twice
I wish
I was too nice
too much the gentleman
opening doors and
double checking countless flower carts
so you were surprised with
no less than seven of
your favorite
glitter tipped aqua blue
roses
on valentines day

not because you wanted a new man
(or just cuz you felt like it)
not because you fell
out of love
like a shooting star
all of sudden
unpredictable
or because you wanted new lips
to kiss under the moon
on your birthday
among the clouds
cascading across Berkeley hillside

not because long distance made it easy
or some fake ass
bullshit
made-up
idea in your head that
I was a lying no good horrible boyfriend
who never made you happy

I wish it were me
something I can change
so I can chat with a woman
all night and all day
or online

and not once
feel the need to
crack open her call log
or email account
seeking clues
of cheating
or any suspect conversation
with a man
I think
she got no business talking to
at 4 a.m.

so I can ask
awkwardly after a first date
for a first kiss and
hope
it wont be the last so
I can finally learn
to love
again